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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25551250">if the world was ending</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholyandserendipity/pseuds/melancholyandserendipity'>melancholyandserendipity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>QCYN2, THE9 (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Light Angst, Unrequited Love?, or once requited love actually</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:00:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>971</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25551250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholyandserendipity/pseuds/melancholyandserendipity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"before she knows it, lingzi is hunched over the railings at a corner, phone tightly clutched in her hand like someone was going to snatch it any second now. maybe someone should have, because next thing she hears is a ringing through her phone for a number she should definitely not be calling."</p><p>or:</p><p>just a lyqt drabble i wrote just because of a song</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kong Xue'er/Xu Jiaqi, Liu Lingzi/Xu Jiaqi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if the world was ending</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>listen to if the world was ending // julia michaels and the1 //  taylor swift if you wanna get a feel of what i wanted while writing this. think of it as january ish? should be about a year after they meet</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“third time they’ve flaked on us.” lingzi takes off her coat and sinks into keni’s dorm bed with a sigh. the twin towers had just come back from their two-day stay in shanghai, the second afternoon of which should’ve been spent with two certain members of the9.</p><p> </p><p>keni gives her a sorry smile at that, but it’s nothing new. “you know how idol schedules get, we didn’t have a big window of time for them either.”</p><p> </p><p>lingzi nods, because keni’s right. but keni also talks to yu yan everyday, so she doesn’t get it. this was supposed to be one of the rare times lingzi could have an actual conversation with <em>her</em> but of course she can’t have even just an afternoon with jiaqi.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's been a year now, think I've figured out how</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How to let you go and let communication die out</em>
</p><p> </p><p>the older girl stares at lingzi with furrowed eyebrows, before a lightbulb glowers over head and suddenly she’s standing up with a grin on her face that lingzi doesn’t like. “we’re going out!”</p><p> </p><p>after too much whining and persuasion from keni, lingzi finally lets herself get dragged to a rooftop bar downtown, in a skirt that’s too short and a halter top she definitely doesn’t own. looking through the glass between the bar and the smoking area makes her wish she were in another balcony instead. one that had funny first meetings and sad long conversations and stolen kisses. where she had taken pictures that were too beautiful and fallen in love a little too much.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know, you know, we know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You weren't down for forever and it's fine</em>
</p><p> </p><p>so she drinks, she drinks a lot more than keni had expected her to and in a faster time than she was ever used to. she finds herself pushing the glass door only to breathe in the cold winter air with a mixed scent of nicotine and flavored vape, but it doesn’t really matter right now. before she knows it, lingzi is hunched over the railings at a corner, phone tightly clutched in her hand like someone was going to snatch it any second now. maybe someone should have, because next thing she hears is a ringing through her phone for a number she should definitely not be calling.</p><p> </p><p>“hello? zizi?” <em>ah, it’s been a long time since someone’s called me that.</em></p><p> </p><p>“hey jiaqi um—” she’s cut off by her own laugh because what the fuck is she doing right now?</p><p> </p><p>lingzi thinks for a moment if she should blame keni <em>jiejie</em> for leaving her unsupervised. “are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>and there she goes again, sounding like a saint with concern dripping from a voice that once told lingzi of love. it’s enough to make lingzi crumble, like the most fragile glass being pierced by a sonar wave you wouldn’t even hear. it makes lingzi curious, and it makes her hope.</p><p> </p><p>“hypothetically…”</p><p> </p><p>“are you drunk?” <em>should we really be talking right now?</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“it doesn’t matter.” <em>no.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p><em>but i don’t care.</em> lingzi chuckles again with a lopsided grin on her face. “i have a hypothetical question, xu jiaqi.”</p><p> </p><p>“shoot.” so lingzi pulls the trigger on her own heart.</p><p> </p><p>“if the world was ending you’d come over right?” lingzi can almost feel jiaqi’s breath hitch through the phone. “you’d come over and you’d stay the night.”</p><p> </p><p>“lingzi i—"</p><p> </p><p>“would you love me for the hell of it?” the deafening silence on the other end says enough even for the drunk girl who was sobering up more as the quiet folds out, but jiaqi still manages to twist the knife in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“you know i can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>lingzi bites back a sob, and she doesn’t know if jiaqi hears it but she doesn’t have the pride to care anyway. she lets out a small awkward laugh, as if things couldn’t get worse and she wishes jiaqi didn’t know she was breaking her heart. but she does. and lingzi wishes jiaqi would stop feeling bad for her and always being so caring and <em>perfect</em>. “zizi i’m—”</p><p> </p><p>“don’t fucking say you’re sorry.” it’s not like this was unexpected, it was just a matter of when. “it’s not your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>there’s a silence that envelopes the tiny bubble of catatonia lingzi has immersed herself in to drown out all the noise around her but she hears another voice on the other line and in a split second everything around her is in increasing entropy. “jiaqi, it’s okay i think this is what i needed.” <em>to finally let go. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“say hi to xueer for me.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know, you know, we know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We weren't meant for each other and it's fine</em>
</p><p> </p><p>the moment lingzi pockets her now silenced phone, she drinks again. she drinks with keni and the other girls lingzi doesn’t even remember meeting earlier that night. she drinks more until her vision gets hazy and she’s repeatedly saying yes to someone with hair that’s too long and their height gap too big but lingzi doesn’t think of stopping at all.</p><p> </p><p>when she wakes up in someone else’s bed with a splitting headache, lingzi doesn’t even remember why. but she’s reminded of it when she opens her phone to the unsurprising barrage of texts and calls from keni that of course she ignores, and an unexpected text from the very person she’s trying to forget.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>[my kiki]</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>remember to drink water and </em>
</p><p>
  <em>advil when you wake up!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>take care zizi &lt;3</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>lingzi can still feel the gaping hollowness in her chest, but it doesn’t feel like it’ll eat the rest of her heart out anymore. so maybe she can still mend what’s left of it. her world couldn’t end just like that anyway.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ah, it's been a year now, think I've figured out how</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How to think about you without it ripping my heart out</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>might be obvious but i initially thought of yuni when i decided to write a fic with this song but i really can't write sad endings for them &lt;3 they're tragic enough irl</p><p>so i might be working on a hogwarts au =) lmk your thoughts on this one in the comments though!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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